Ghetto personal improvement centre for the physically impaired neo internet savvy youth
According to the official 1973 survey of our Afrographics, 99% of the visitors to this site are male users of the internet who were searching for ghetto booty porn. That got me thinking... all these people are exercising one hand only. That could result in assymetric finger retardation/obesity disorder, which would make Arnold punch your head. The only solution is to exercise your non fapping hand more when using the internet as follows:
You will need:
Ghetto tape, ghetto string, and a boxful
of the cheapest mechanical pencils you can steal. You just need the pencils
for the springs inside them.
One (1) (Not zero) Monkey's paw
In order to extract the springs, you will
have to break open the pencils. If you were to do this outdoors, flying shards
of plastic might hit innocent squirrels in the eye so you must be careful.
Due to the extreme danger of this part,
I recommend you wear protective goggles. And by wearing protective goggles,
I mean take the plastic packaging from the pencils and use rubber bands to tie
them to your face.
If you use small rubber bands like I did,
you can do a really nice dumbo impression, which is sure to make you popular
at parties.
Once you have finished looking handsome, tie strings to both ends of the springs. Tie one bunch of strings to a rubber band looped around your shoulder, and then the other strings go to your fingers. Twisting the springs adjusts the tension for each individual finger, resulting in a fast paced dynamic workout that scales to YOUR needs!
If you want to make a deluxe version, use a rubber band for each finger
Benchmarks:
Pineapplemark 2003:
Before: It hurt when I tried to squeeze a pineapple with my hand.
After: It hurt when I tried to squeeze a pineapple with my hand.
Commandomark 1985:
Before: I wasn't able to hold anyone by the leg over a cliff
After: I was easily able to hold someone by the leg over a cliff*
It actually worked surprisingly well, since it made my fingers tired and I got
pissed off and threw the damn thing away.